I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
