So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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