there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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