i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
