i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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