im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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