It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
