Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I only lived at night.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
