They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
