I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
