Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
