fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
