I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
