Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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