If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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