two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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