Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
