either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
