just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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