I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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