don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
