Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
