dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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