Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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