so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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