Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
