Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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