It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
