I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
