I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
