He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There r osticjed everywhere
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
