I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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