My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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