What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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