Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
