she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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