Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
