I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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