His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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