You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
