so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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