Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
