note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
