haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
