Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
