my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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