It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
