i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
