Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
