I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
