Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
