I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
