careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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