Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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