i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
